Why Change Feels So Hard and How to Move Through It
Change can be terrifying. Staying the same can feel even scarier.
Holding onto something too long—whether it’s an outdated habit, a job that drains you, or a belief that no longer serves you—can feel suffocating. When the opportunity comes, resistance to change can feel overwhelming.
In the early morning of December 6, 2009, my son called down to the basement, “Mom, wake up! Get dressed! You have to get out of the house. It’s on fire!”
I slipped on shoes without socks, grabbed my phone, and ran upstairs in my pajamas. The house felt warm and cozy. Christmas stockings and decorations were in place. Only the hall light was on and the old wood stove adjacent to it seemed alive, surrounded by a strange orange light coming from the attic.
My youngest son stepped out of his room. “Mom, we have to get out.”
I felt dazed. A glowing ember fell from the stovepipe opening onto the wood floor. I watched it while it rolled until it rested at my feet. I silently noted the charred spot and briefly wondered how to repair it. “What are we supposed to take with us?” I asked, still not fully grasping what was happening. My son ran to the office, grabbed my laptop, and shoved it into my arms. “I have no idea. We need to go now.”
We ran out the front door to the car in the driveway. I reversed through the open gate and parked in front of the neighbor's house across the street.
I sat in the driver’s seat watching firefighters, including my 17-year-old son, work to save our home. It was his first structure fire. Flames shot through the roof as thick black smoke billowed into the night sky. Water from the hoses froze in the frigid air, sheeting off the firefighters' gear.
My 15-year-old, wiser than me in that moment, turned to me and said, “Well, Mom, I guess God wants us to get rid of some of our stuff.”
Losing our home was an unthinkable change. My son voiced what many of us avoid admitting: change is inevitable. Some changes are forced upon us while others are within our control. Resistance often appears when we have a choice.
Why We Resist Change
Change threatens stability even when that stability is built on struggle. People resist for many reasons:
Fear of the unknown – Even if the current situation is painful, at least it is familiar. Change brings uncertainty.
Self-doubt – A lingering question arises: Can I handle what comes next?
Comfort in routine – Predictability feels safe and change disrupts that.
Loss of identity – When a role or pattern defines us, changing it can feel like losing a part of who we are.
The weight of past failures – Struggles with change in the past create doubt about future attempts.
When Resistance Feels Like a Wall
Resistance is not always obvious. It can appear as excuses, procrastination, or blaming others.
Someone who has been in the same job for years may say they want something new. Every time they consider applying elsewhere, they find reasons not to take action: “The job market is too competitive. What if the next job is worse? What if I’m not even qualified."
The real issue isn’t the job market but the fear of stepping into the unknown and feeling unprepared. When resistance is high, logic will not break through. Pushing harder will not work. The conversation must shift.
Moving Through Resistance
Rather than forcing change, we can explore what is underneath the resistance:
Name the fear – Instead of saying to yourself, “I just don’t want to,” ask, "What am I afraid will happen?" Speaking the fear aloud can weaken its grip.
Find the benefit of staying stuck – Resistance serves a purpose. Staying the same may feel safer or may prevent deeper pain. Understanding this can shift perspective.
Redefine the goal – Instead of focusing on making a change, ask, “What would make this shift feel worthwhile?” Adjusting the reason behind an action can make it easier.
Make it smaller – Large changes feel overwhelming. Breaking them into smaller steps can help. Instead of “I need a new job” begin with “I’ll spend 10 minutes updating my resume.”
Accept discomfort as part of the process – Change is not meant to be easy. Discomfort does not mean something is wrong; it means something is new. Recognizing that distinction can make all the difference.
The Takeaway
Resistance to change is normal. It does not indicate weakness, failure, or laziness. It is a survival instinct. Growth happens when we lean into discomfort and question the stories we tell ourselves.
The next time you feel stuck, pause. Instead of forcing yourself forward, ask, "What am I really afraid of?" The answer might surprise you and set you free.
